The Devil and His Minion © 2009 Don Baker

The Devil said to his Minion
there's something I can tell
You may thing you're evil
but you ain't gonna make it in Hell

Your tail is bent and stumpy
Your horns are dull and short
You can't fart no fire
all you do is snort

You may thing you're evil
but you're just Hell's disgrace
You ain't even a pimple
on the weakest sinner's face

So Minion went to God and said
Lord what can I do
If I can't make him proud of me
I'll have to come back to you

God said that's a problem
and we sure don't want that
So he gave to Minion
a certain Magic Hat

When Minion put the Hat on
he swelled up ten foot tall
His breath came out like diesel fumes
He was no longer small

His skin was red hot nails and glass
His face Tyranous Rex
His horns were scabrous oak and steel
It even changed his sex

When next the Devil saw him
he said you're what I need
You are the perfect vessel
in which to plant my seed

So Devil mounted Minion
All over Hell he rode
Minion tried to shake him off
He stuck there like a toad

Those hellish years passed on and on
Like tides they came and went
The Minion cried in agony
The Devil was not spent

They slammed 'gainst rock after rock
'til Minion's head got soft
One last slam against his head
and then his Hat fell off

Minion shrank into himself
like passing feeble gas
He hung there like a broken bag
the Devil up his ass

So don't ask God to help you rise
in the Devil's hard domain
Like Minion you might just become
the Devil's rupture condom