Dogcatcher Blues © 2009 don baker

Retirement Resort Blues Rant
© 2010 Don Baker

Said the Manager to the rolling chair
With Granny and her old gray hair

This ain't no home for you to rest
Resort style, we're the very best

We have a palm tree on the door
So that proves we offer more

Our asphalt has sunlit exposure
My decolletage keeps slipping lower

Said the Manager with a sneer
Because now that I am here

It's all quality and perfect
Every else is just your defect

We only serve the very best
Pretty, healthy and well-dressed

We don't need your mangy sort
Trashing up our nice resort

Slap on a little paint and glue
So we don't need to hear from you

My Boss lives in Arkansas
I'm not your Mom - He's not your Pa

Don't talk to us about respect
Just be glad for what you get

I didn't come here to be liked
I came to prove my real name's Spike

You're just an old and useless farty
You don't belong here at our party

Keep your nurses out of sight
Hold the ambulances 'til night

You get yourself infirm and sick
That's my reason to evict

So we said we'd fix it tomorrow
A month ago, don't spread your sorrow

We say what people want to hear
So don't come crying in our beer

We fix things first nearest our Office
The rest can wait as best we profit

I don't have to respond to you
You're just old and anxious too

So what if alarms keep going off
We don't care if firemen scoff

So our security makes you blue
Don't bother me - Does it bother you

If a crime is going down
We just might be out of town

Don't call me when it's after hours
Leave a message, maybe flowers

Don't tell us 'bout your Castle law
That's just your paranoidal flaw

We'll invade your home at will
Can't lock us out - can't keep us still

We don't like you fat old tarts
We're gonna hide your shopping carts

We don't care what you might think
You're and old and crazy dink

If you annoy us far too much
Our lawyer's lies with eat your lunch

So don't you go talk back to me
Or I'll just up and set you free

Love it or leave it.